You know that moment when you feel like you did 5 years ago, and you hate yourself for it? When you've slipped back into who you never want to be again?
We've all done it. We've all done that one thing that you swore you would never do again, been that one person you said you'd never be again. And I slipped. And I hate myself for it. So why share that? Because I need other people to hold me accountable. We cannot all just magically turn into the people we want to be. It takes time and practice. And, like anything that requires practice, you are going to mess up. You are going to drop the ball (literally or figuratively) and do what you swore you wouldn't.
Maybe I feel this way because I did something I regret with every inch of my soul. Maybe it's because I saw The Lion King in 3D and it has the best life lessons Disney could ever teach us. You cannot change the past. But you can make it right with yourself and the people you have hurt. So here's to a big step forward, but not forgetting every little step back.
Tay
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A New Title, A New Story...
As promised, I will divulge the meaning of the blog name...
It's my senior year. We all joke about regressing and doing all the things we really should have done freshmen year, but it's no joke. We have found our freedom!!! All my senior friends and I have been doing exactly as we please and saying what's on our minds. I pierced my ear cartilage (when I just said cartilage, my mom thought I was piercing my nose) and I do whatever I feel like doing.
So what does that have to do with the title? Everything. The song from which this title was taken is basically about being honest and true to what you feel, and that's what it's all about. As I've gotten older (and let's hope a LITTLE wiser) I've learned that it's worthless to do or say what you think you ought to. You have to be honest with yourself and others. You just have to. Be it love, rage, or indifference, get it out! There's no point in lying to those you love or to yourself, the truth will always find you. So, senior year is about that honesty, that openness. Be they good or bad, thoughts, feelings, and actions are gonna happen this year and I will not contain them! Life is too short, and I'm not leaving with any regrets of not being me.
To quote another amazing Mumford and Sons song: "In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life."
Tay
Monday, August 29, 2011
Legacy
Hello friends! I know it has been a while since I have posted, but things have been pretty crazy!
I wrapped up my internship at KU. It was a wonderful experience, and has really made me feel that I'm closer to the same level as my peers in the research world. I went to the CASE ASAP Conference in Nashville shortly thereafter, representing Student Alumni Board, and had a great time. It was a great break from the "real world." I moved to school and we had a very successful recruitment here at Theta! I am very glad to be back in Manhattan. It really has become a second home and a second family and I love it.
So, to the title of my blog. Legacy. We all leave our legacy in everything that we do. And as I am entering my last year at KSU, I feel like now is the time I determine my legacy. I hope I am remembered for what I have done, but also for who I am. I would like to think that I've made an impact in my "professional" life (my classes, my involvement) I hope at the end of the year, I can see some of that. Without a legacy you just become a number. I want to be more than that, and am looking to make some memories so that doesn't happen.
Part of the thought behind this is the legacy others have left with me. From mentors to family members, we all have people whose legacies have impacted us. My grandfather left a huge legacy for the whole family. For those of you who don't know, he died last December, and it has been rough at times. His youngest brother, my mom's uncle, looks just like him. I know it's odd, but I like having him around because he does look like grandpa. So does my cousin, which makes me happy (sometimes we are more like our families than we'd like to believe.
So, just some random thoughts. I will elaborate on the blog name change next time (hopefully not in over a month!)
Until next time,
Tay
I wrapped up my internship at KU. It was a wonderful experience, and has really made me feel that I'm closer to the same level as my peers in the research world. I went to the CASE ASAP Conference in Nashville shortly thereafter, representing Student Alumni Board, and had a great time. It was a great break from the "real world." I moved to school and we had a very successful recruitment here at Theta! I am very glad to be back in Manhattan. It really has become a second home and a second family and I love it.
So, to the title of my blog. Legacy. We all leave our legacy in everything that we do. And as I am entering my last year at KSU, I feel like now is the time I determine my legacy. I hope I am remembered for what I have done, but also for who I am. I would like to think that I've made an impact in my "professional" life (my classes, my involvement) I hope at the end of the year, I can see some of that. Without a legacy you just become a number. I want to be more than that, and am looking to make some memories so that doesn't happen.
Part of the thought behind this is the legacy others have left with me. From mentors to family members, we all have people whose legacies have impacted us. My grandfather left a huge legacy for the whole family. For those of you who don't know, he died last December, and it has been rough at times. His youngest brother, my mom's uncle, looks just like him. I know it's odd, but I like having him around because he does look like grandpa. So does my cousin, which makes me happy (sometimes we are more like our families than we'd like to believe.
So, just some random thoughts. I will elaborate on the blog name change next time (hopefully not in over a month!)
Until next time,
Tay
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Alternative Plans...
Hello all!
I hope you have all had a great past couple of weeks! Things have been flying by! I'll be leaving Lawrence in about 10 days, and it has all happened so quickly! I got to see a lot of friends this past weekend, friends from home and from K-State, and it was an awesome break from my dorm monotony! We ate some great food and watched the World Cup final. It was pretty awesome!
My fly adventures are winding down. I am working on my poster that I must present next Thursday, and so I spend a lot of time on the computer and then dissecting to break up the day. We are replicating my experiment, so I will be collecting flies tomorrow, which I actually really enjoy! It's pretty fun to make diagrams for my poster, as well, so it's been a fun couple of days! I don't know how to do all the statistical data stuff, so I get to focus on the fun things!
So, to relate to my title...
I got my MCAT scores today (they weren't fab, so don't even ask), and everyone always tells me not to worry, I'll (hopefully) get in to some medical school. But, I think up new back-up plans if I don't get in almost every day. So for your enjoyment, here is a list of things I have contemplated doing if I take a year off from school...in chronological order of original thought.
1. Work as a lab tech at Hutch Hospital while I beef up whatever I need to
2. Work as a substitute teacher at Hutch High while I beef up whatever I need to and play golf with Dad every day
3. Take graduate level classes and beef up whatever I need to
4. Work in a lab (maybe the one I'm in now) and beef up whatever I need to
5. Start writing my memoirs (tentatively titled "Hitting Parked Cars and Falling Off Bicycles" with the sequel being "Hitting Parked Cars and Living with 70 Women") and beef up whatever I need to
6. Go to Louisville Seminary like Roonie always wanted me to (she put their newsletter in my mailbox at church every month for 2 years)
7. Apply to any job K-State has open, so I never have to leave Manhattan
I think they are pretty awesome. Feel free to tell me which is your favorite...
Until next time,
Tay
Thursday, July 7, 2011
And the World Spins Madly On...
If you haven't heard the song from which I found my name, please youtube one of the million versions of it.
After the 4th of July I miraculously have all my fingers, my eyesight, and most of my friends left...
But now it's been back to work! We have done two replicate crosses of my starvation vials (all of which are dead!) and they will test them after I leave. My dissections took a bit of a dip last week, but have been top notch the past few lines, which is great for the lab! I got to supervise another undergraduate, which makes me feel less like a workhorse and more of a lab assistant! We will begin analyzing my data tomorrow to start working on my poster.
I will be going home again this weekend for the funeral of one of my favorite teachers, Cindy Beshore, and I am grateful that I had her for a teacher. Her battle with cancer was a long and winding road, and I'm glad it ended on her own terms.
On a more uplifting note, I have been enjoying making a lot of friendships in the lab, and am getting a little sad about the journey ending soon, but am wanting to make the most of every minute right now!
Until next time,
Tay
After the 4th of July I miraculously have all my fingers, my eyesight, and most of my friends left...
But now it's been back to work! We have done two replicate crosses of my starvation vials (all of which are dead!) and they will test them after I leave. My dissections took a bit of a dip last week, but have been top notch the past few lines, which is great for the lab! I got to supervise another undergraduate, which makes me feel less like a workhorse and more of a lab assistant! We will begin analyzing my data tomorrow to start working on my poster.
I will be going home again this weekend for the funeral of one of my favorite teachers, Cindy Beshore, and I am grateful that I had her for a teacher. Her battle with cancer was a long and winding road, and I'm glad it ended on her own terms.
On a more uplifting note, I have been enjoying making a lot of friendships in the lab, and am getting a little sad about the journey ending soon, but am wanting to make the most of every minute right now!
Until next time,
Tay
Monday, June 27, 2011
Not Dead Yet...But Almost
So, the title is an homage to my lovely flies, who should start dying tomorrow. I'm hoping that they are not mad at me, and will expose genes that will greatly help the future of mankind!!!
Okay, that was kind of dramatic. But I feel so guilty when I kill all my flies.
I get to start "real" dissections tomorrow. As in the dissection pictures will actually be used in research! It is very exciting. I'm fairly certain this week will fly by (oh man, I'm punny!) because I was in Manhattan last weekend for a birthday, and will be returning home for the 4th of July. I enjoy working a normal work day schedule during the week. It makes me believe that I will be able to have a real job someday, and I won't hate it. I have learned a couple of things thus far this summer, and I will now share them with you.
1. People like hard workers. If your parents made you work for your allowance, or just for your dinner, thank them. They will help you keep a job.
2. People don't like whiners. If your parents got mad and told you to stop whining, thank them. They will help you make friends. Or at least not drive any away.
3. People who tell elaborate lies are good for poking fun at, and cannot be taken seriously. If your parents taught you not to lie, be grateful and thank them. You will not get fired OR lose friends for being obnoxious.
So I know these aren't really lab lessons, but they are pretty good life lessons! Big prayers out to Aunt Dee Ann and Cousin Mindy who are having surgery this week! Love you both! I hope you all have a good 4th , and I'll see you next week!
Love,
Tay
Okay, that was kind of dramatic. But I feel so guilty when I kill all my flies.
I get to start "real" dissections tomorrow. As in the dissection pictures will actually be used in research! It is very exciting. I'm fairly certain this week will fly by (oh man, I'm punny!) because I was in Manhattan last weekend for a birthday, and will be returning home for the 4th of July. I enjoy working a normal work day schedule during the week. It makes me believe that I will be able to have a real job someday, and I won't hate it. I have learned a couple of things thus far this summer, and I will now share them with you.
1. People like hard workers. If your parents made you work for your allowance, or just for your dinner, thank them. They will help you keep a job.
2. People don't like whiners. If your parents got mad and told you to stop whining, thank them. They will help you make friends. Or at least not drive any away.
3. People who tell elaborate lies are good for poking fun at, and cannot be taken seriously. If your parents taught you not to lie, be grateful and thank them. You will not get fired OR lose friends for being obnoxious.
So I know these aren't really lab lessons, but they are pretty good life lessons! Big prayers out to Aunt Dee Ann and Cousin Mindy who are having surgery this week! Love you both! I hope you all have a good 4th , and I'll see you next week!
Love,
Tay
Friday, June 17, 2011
Where the Name Originates...
Hello everyone! I don't know how many people will read this blog, but I hope each and every one of you enjoys yourself thoroughly! I must admit, I started this blog because I am in Lawrence at KU for the summer, doing genetics research. Now, most people who know I'm working with fruit flies know that I'm working with these animals and nothing more.
Well, I'm going to give you a few more details. I have two main projects.
The first is starvation. Yes, I'm slaving away in a lab, moving flies around, crossing different lines, collecting virgins (yes, I said collecting virgins) and losing them in the transferring process, just to kill them all. Eventually the point is to learn about starvation and metabolism genes, their location, and eventually their relatives in the human body. The hope is that in the future, these genes will help lead to more information on metabolic diseases, like diabetes. Pretty cool, right? Except for collecting virgins, that is not cool, it's actually difficult. Females can hold sperm for a long time, so for proper crossing, the females must be virgins. "How can you tell a virgin?" you might ask...well, you have to collect them no more than 6 hours after birth. Meaning, you empty live flies, and then collect the remaining ones about 4 hours later. It was a difficult two days collecting them. BUT! I have many eggs and pupae and am just waiting for flies to grow!
If you thought the virgins were weird, wait til you hear about my dissections...
I try to dissect out the posterior lobe of the male genitalia of fruit flies. Yeah, we remove the genitalia of male fruit flies and remove a tiny part of the tiny circle. It is amazing. The only things we use are a standard lab microscope and two pairs of forceps. I'm getting pretty good, and will hopefully get some pictures so you can see what I'm talking about.
Truthfully, the nature of what I'm doing is why I have created a blog. These really aren't things you enjoy posting, but they are very interesting, and I'm learning a lot of new skills I'm hoping to use this fall in another lab setting!
Until later my friends...
Tay
Well, I'm going to give you a few more details. I have two main projects.
The first is starvation. Yes, I'm slaving away in a lab, moving flies around, crossing different lines, collecting virgins (yes, I said collecting virgins) and losing them in the transferring process, just to kill them all. Eventually the point is to learn about starvation and metabolism genes, their location, and eventually their relatives in the human body. The hope is that in the future, these genes will help lead to more information on metabolic diseases, like diabetes. Pretty cool, right? Except for collecting virgins, that is not cool, it's actually difficult. Females can hold sperm for a long time, so for proper crossing, the females must be virgins. "How can you tell a virgin?" you might ask...well, you have to collect them no more than 6 hours after birth. Meaning, you empty live flies, and then collect the remaining ones about 4 hours later. It was a difficult two days collecting them. BUT! I have many eggs and pupae and am just waiting for flies to grow!
If you thought the virgins were weird, wait til you hear about my dissections...
I try to dissect out the posterior lobe of the male genitalia of fruit flies. Yeah, we remove the genitalia of male fruit flies and remove a tiny part of the tiny circle. It is amazing. The only things we use are a standard lab microscope and two pairs of forceps. I'm getting pretty good, and will hopefully get some pictures so you can see what I'm talking about.
Truthfully, the nature of what I'm doing is why I have created a blog. These really aren't things you enjoy posting, but they are very interesting, and I'm learning a lot of new skills I'm hoping to use this fall in another lab setting!
Until later my friends...
Tay
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